Scars

Thomas Hardy once said, “The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.” Today I met with a bitter disappointment. I have never cried in front of my kids, but today was so devastating that there was nothing I could do to keep them from seeing the reality that when they fail, it is my failure as well. I am not talking about a test or something trivial. I’m talking about when they make a choice that forever changes the course of their life. I have seen kids be taken away in handcuffs; cops have taken kids right from my room. But today it was one of my kids and I can not describe how devastating it was. It was his fault, what he did was wrong. But I can do nothing but question myself about it. How did I not see it? How could I have a child that I considered to be one of my kids for 2 years, and be blind to what he was doing? That was my failure. My heart hurts, because I can’t tell this kid that everything is going to be okay. My heart hurts because, I feel like I failed him in someway. And in my devastation I overreacted to something stupid that another kid did. I tore everything off the back wall in my classroom. Because why should they have anything nice, when they do nothing to deserve it? A kid decided to be a jerk and rip my focal walls. And so I took it all down. Because that group of kids thinks that they are the center of the world. That we should bend for every whim they have. And I refuse. I will not allow them to own anything in my life. I will not allow them to be another disappointment in my life. I will not have another scar because of them.

The Fat Don't Fly

So as I sat tonight watching the Vancouver Olympics, I was a little irritated by the commentators. Not in the “you think your funny but you couldn’t tell a knock-knock joke to a 2 year old and be funny” kind of way. In the wow you’re a huge hypocritical jerk kind of way. Readers (if you’re out there) check this out. So I’m watching the ski jumping (which I’m not sure what it is technically called, but is on wii fit so…), when this French guy gets up there to jump. He is massively tall, but thin as a rail. If he was any thinner he would be anorexic. And what do you think the commentators start saying about him? “He is way over the body mass index for this sport” and my favorite of them all, “the fat don’t fly”. Let’s take a step back NBC. Is your channel not the home of The Biggest Loser? Frenchy is NOT fat, he is a professional athlete with a muscular physic. Commentators, if he was out of the body mass index for that sport, do you really think that they would let him compete? Are you being jerks because he’s French? Really I think that is what it boils down to, he’s French and that is why you have a problem with him. “The fat don’t fly”, well NBC why is it that you didn’t make a fat joke about the American bobsled team? Did you not see them? Let me refresh your memory…

No wonder why the USA lost... apparently the fat can bobsled either. But thanks for giving me a new phrase to yell at people. From here on out whenever someone says they can't do something I'm going to yell, "it's because the fat don't fly". They will thus think they are fat and go cry in a corner and I will have thus successfully crushed their spirit. Thanks NBC!

William Lyon Phelps

William Lyon Phelps once said, “A student never forgets an encouraging private word, when it is given with sincere respect and admiration”, but what about when the students pull us aside and encourage us? It amazes me how closely they watch us. Our kids notice when we change our hair color, or get new shoes. They can sense our mood before we have even spoken, and they know when we need them to tell us that we are doing a good job and that they think we are great. I was having very possibly the worst day of my life yesterday; I won’t go into detail, just trust me that it was BAD. And at the worst moments of that day, kids stepped up to make me feel better, “Miss Adams I’m sorry your sad, but I love you”, “I’m gonna get you a Twix right now, Twix fix everything”. But of them all, there is one student who has never been one to say Adams I love you, or you’re my favorite teacher. But he did everything in his power to make me smile and then he put his and on my shoulder and told me that he thought I was great. And as he left my class he asked, “did I make you feel even a little better?”. What can you say to that? Maybe it is this, William Lyon Phelps wasn’t wrong, but I have to say that it works both ways; because, a teacher never forgets an encouraging private word when it is given with sincere respect and admiration. 

Dieting : Miss Adams :: Sonnet : Shakespeare

Since I am already in a bad mood from the past horrific week at work, I decided to add insult to injury and throw a diet in there. You know, just to see just how much I can take before I lose my mind and crack. I’ll be honest; I am always on a diet. But I have a schedule right now, and come hell or high water, death or dismemberment, I WILL MEET MY GOAL. And so here it is, I am joining the bandwagon of crack heads that hope and pray that the cabbage soup diet will miraculously drop at least 10 pounds off of their bodies. So here is day one… I have not cheated, but I can tell you this right now in all honesty I want to inflict pain on someone. I love soup, more than any normal person should ever love soup, but I’m so hungry I am nearing violence. It’s not like I have 50 pounds to lose, or even 20. I can’t really explain why it is so important that I do this. I guess I can sum it up with a fight I had with a member of my family this week. Let’s just say that they pointed out that I recently gained 5 pounds…I’ve been crying for the past 3 days…

I can do this… but I have to point something out. Did you ever notice the “die” in diet?

Meeting Your Match…

So today was my first day back with the kids after winter break. I was really happy to be back. But I was a little hesitant about what to expect. You see I was given the charge of taking over several of the 11^th grade English classes. The reason for this being that the students were so hellacious, that the previous teacher threatened to retire if she had them for second semester.  And thus I inherited a motley crew of teenage hooligans. But hooligans are my favorite, so I am happy! They make life so much more interesting. And really, I am a tough cookie to crack; I get down with the best of them. But today I met a child that very well may be my match. For whatever reason, he has decided that he is going to be a little punk. And by punk I mean that he acts like he has ADHD and is blind and deaf to anything said or done by an authority figure. Well, all I can say is bring it on honey! I will shove you in a corner of darkness and move on with class. I’m prepared for you. And besides, I have thugs to take of things if I need them;)

Why me????

I'm sitting at a high school in Romoland.... Dying a slow slow death!!!


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A Sad End to Winter Break

Winter break is a beautiful thing. Time away from the kids, co-workers, and irritating drivers in Perris, brings refreshment to the inner workings of my being. I swear I have developed severe road rage just from the way four way stops are done in Perris. But this year, my beautiful winter break has been cut short.

ERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the English teachers had to come back a week early from winter break to go to a “training”… just imagine it this way… some deaths are slow and painful. But this is much, much worse. It is never a good thing when you sit there thinking that being eaten alive by army ants would ease your pain and would be a relief from the boredom in which you are withering.  I have said this before, but I will say this again, why do teacher trainings always reduce you to the level of a 5 year old? I am an adult. I have an education. I can drive and manage a bank account and do all the things that other adults do. So then please, someone, tell me why it is that the trainers feel that all the teachers in the room are an elementary class?

Okay, so with that out of the way I am getting ready for my new semester! Loads of fun I can already tell. I was looking over my rosters, in a class of 23 students I have 5 girls… and in a class of 26 I have 8 girls. What is the sadist part is that I know most of these girls and the never come to school! This means that next semester I might as well be teaching at an all boy school. hmmmm….vocabulary football anyone?